Nicole Mitchell – “It’s snowing in Hawaii!”

Nicole Mitchell heats up the Pacific Northwest ... in January!

I’m begging The Weather Channel (much in the same way I asked Rosetta Stone to fire Lesley Ann Machado) to ask Nicole Mitchell to resign from her post effective immediately.

Let me state that I hold nothing personal against Nicole Mitchell, I don’t even know the woman. It’s just that I can not concentrate long enough to care about the floods in the Southeast or the fires in L.A. while shes on the screen. Please refer to the included pictures and I am sure you will see my point.

Mudslides in L.A.? Tornadoes in central Kansas? Blizzard in New England? Sure whatever you say Nicole.  I turned on The Weather Channel recently to get my local 5 day forecast and The Weather Channel turned me on right back. Before they even got to covering the Northeast (where I live), I realized there was a heatwave in this little town called … My Pants! O.K it’s actually a HUGE town but I think you get my point.

I’m not trying to discriminate against women, certainly not beautiful women such as Nicole Mitchell. But the reason I turn on news stations like The Weather Channel is to get information about the weather. Now all I do is hope Nicole Mitchell stands there with the Pacific Ocean as her backdrop so the outline of her body in that red turtleneck and skirt doesn’t blend in with the color coded heatwave in the Southwest.

Death Panels? O.K. but the stupid people first.

In an article written for the Wall Street Journal online Sarah Palin, once again, decided to lend her opinion to the health care debate. First off all, shame on the Wall Street journal for allowing Sarah Palin to write an article, that’s a disgrace, and second of all … I wasn’t aware that former beauty queen Sarah Palin had the ability to write.

At first I was appalled by Sarah Palin’s suggestion of  ”death panels”. Where does she get the right to use false information and scare tactics to persuade the American people that health care reform in this country would be a mistake? In short I thought, “What a bitch!”

Rosetta Bone

Lesley Ann Machado

Is that a new language in your pocket or are you just happy to see me. If Rosetta Stone wants me to ever purchase one of their products then Lesley Ann Machado must snap together the last three top buttons on her blouse. You really want me to concentrate on what products you are offering or what they do when Mrs. Machado is staring right at me , smiling, teasing me, daring me to pick up the phone.

Going Postal!

The United States Postal Service

The United States Postal service is considering consolidating or closing hundreds of local facilities. I have an idea –  close them all. The country doesn’t need anymore physical junk-mail, we have spam. We don’t need you to deliver our bills, we have the Internet. And in the rare occasion that I send a package to someone, I have UPS. It’s been a nice 234 year ride but the time has come to exit road left. This opinion is mostly derived from the fact that, like many government agencies, the United States Postal Service sucks. Walk into most Post Offices today and you feel like you walked into Mayberry… before Barney Fife was born. That was fine 60 years ago but it’s 2009! The United States Postal service is inevitably going to fail because of technological advances that make its services obsolete. But if the Postmaster General is looking for some ways to keep the USPS a float for a few more years here are some suggestions:

Thank You Sir May I have Another!

A senior administration official said Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sgt. James Crowley of the Cambridge, Massachusetts, Police Department will be visiting the White House Thursday.

Last week, Obama said he called Crowley and “there was a discussion about he and I and Professor Gates having a beer here in the White House.”

Gibbs said: “I think it was Sgt. Crowley’s suggestion about the beer, and I think the president thought it was a good idea.”

• A beer! Are you serious? On July 23rd I stated that “everyone needed to relax and give Barack Obama some time to put things into action.” Sitting down with two men who had a dispute over an arrest that may or may not be race related is not what I had in mind. If the President of the United States sat down with every cop and every black man or woman who were entangled over an arrest he’d have to throw a keg party every night.  This dispute should be handled by the two men who were involved and the local court system if need be. NOT by the President of the United States.

Boomer and the Bozo (Craig Carton)

Craig Carton

Most clowns are funny. Most clowns have some level of talent, a skill: juggling, balloon animals, unicycle, etc. Unfortunately for the thousands of listeners who tune into The Fan 660 am in New York … this clown has none. Craig Carton, co-host of the morning show with Boomer Esiason could quite possibly be the most obnoxious radio show personality that has it the airwaves in quite some time. He speaks on the subject of sports as if he knows what he’s talking about - e.g. his insistence that the New York Jets “needed to get Brett Favre at any cost”, smart move “Carton The Clown.” He calls himself the “doctor of baseball” (and does so with an accent that would make Jerry Lewis cringe) and I believe him if only for the fact that when you hear his voice it’s like getting hit in the head (repeatedly) with a baseball bat.

What’s Taking So Long!

Just Another Day Livin in the Hood

Everyone needs to relax. It’s been 6 months. Michael Steele, Chubby Limbaugh, Sean Insanity, the American people, I implore you –  just relax it’s been 6 months. I understand everyone is in a panic. I understand the economy isn’t what it used to be. I understand unemployment is rising and that California is so broke it would probably be better off breaking away from the US via an earthquake and forming its own third world country. Health-care is a mess, the environment is getting any cleaner, we are fighting 2 wars and the North Koreans are ready to take out Hawaii. It’s been 6 months, everyone take it easy.

Teach an Old Dog No Piss

You are either one of two things if you purchsed a Potty Patch: disgusting or lazy. Perhaps you are both. If you can’t get off your ass and take your pet out to go to the bathroom like most normal people than guess what … DON’T GET A PET! I saw the Potty Patch on T.V. recently and I was in-shock at how we will do anything we can not to have to do anything extra. I don’t blame this idea on the Potty Patch People (say that 5 times fast) themselves. All they did was find another way an American citizen can sit on his or her ass even more and they are trying to capitalize on it. That’s the American way.

Beauty Queen ……… (please) Drop Out

Sarah Palin needs to go away! Please take a look at the picture to the left and tell me what seems to be out of place. We can NOT go from a country founded by our great Forefathers to a moose hunting, beauty queen trotting, dumb winking, Russia spotting, late baby making dumb ass. We just can’t.

Sarah Palin needs to go away! This country has survived a Civil War, a Great Depression, World War II and George W. Bush. FDR said “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”, that may be true but if Sarah Palin is allowed to run for the highest office in the land I’m afraid we will have to add “the stupidity of the American Public” to FDR’s list. Imagine the look on the faces of our Forefathers if they were able to see how desperate we have gotten as country as to seriously consider this woman as a presidential candidate.